My Testimony

I haven't written in awhile because something astonishing has happened to me and until now I just couldn't find the words to write about it.  After having what I call a "head knowledge" for many years of salvation, I came to the realization that I simply had never accepted the Lord within my heart.  That changed a few weeks ago and I was saved by God's marvelous grace on January 27th! 

I had had an experience with the Lord at a very early age but I know that was not salvation.  At the time I was the preacher's daughter and felt it was time to be baptized.  Through the years I made it a point to fill my head with Bible knowledge.  I taught Sunday School and VBS, I led devotions in women's ministries and served as moderator in my state's Women's Auxiliary of American Baptist churches.  All this time I had convinced myself I was a child of God because of the things I was involved in doing.  My so-called Christian life sort of snow-balled from one project to another without any real meaning deep within me. 

I began reading blogs a few years ago and really enjoyed what other women had to say.   I felt I had something to contribute to the blog world so I gathered my courage and began writing this blog.  I have to tell you, being accountable for writing a Christian blog changed the way I felt about myself.  I felt an obligation to write only the truth and that's when the Lord began to deal with me about my soul.  It began with feelings of doubt.  I found I was constantly reassuring myself that I was indeed saved.  Pride prevented me from seeing my own need for the right relationship with the Lord.  It dawned on me that a saved person should not have to reassure themselves on a regular basis that they are saved.  I, of course, had an answer for my frequent doubting though - it was the devil deceiving me. 

At the beginning of this year I was so miserable and felt such a burden I couldn't function.  I could find no peace and the thoughts beginning to form in my mind that I was lost without a Savior shook me to the ground.  The Lord is so wonderful and merciful.  He convicted me with three very clear mesages of just what I needed. 
    
     First of all, He spoke to me through conviction that I was wrong to think this was the devil causing my doubts.  The devil will cause a person to doubt the truth of God's Word and will lead a person away from the Lord.  But, the devil will never lead one TO the Lord.  I felt I was being led toward the Lord, not away from Him.  God was calling me to Himself.

     Next, the Lord made available to me an article in a publication about a preacher's wife that after many years realized she was not saved.  This woman was so filled with fear that she was convinced if she made her lost condition  public she would be hurting her husband's ministry.  She finally admitted to her husband her fears and need for salvation.  His comment was "well we can take care of that right now".  She wrote about the wonderful peace she now has within and that her husband's ministry has only been enhanced.

     Finally, our pastor's message on January 27th was about the woman with the issue of blood  (Mark 5:25-34).  I realized I was this woman and like her, I had tried everything within my own power to take care of what only Jesus could fix.  I was terrified knowing I was going to have to make public the fact that I had been deceiving myself and others for a very long time.  How in the world was I going to admit I was not a child of God after all this time?

I'm so happy to say that I did make public the fact that I needed to be saved once and for all.  On January 27th I accepted the Lord during the invitation and immediately the burden I had been carrying around for so long lifted.  I now have peace within and a calm assurance that I will spend eternity in heaven with my Savior.

I am so thankful to my dear family, church family and Christian friends who are rejoicing with me and are praying for me.  My prayer is that my testimony will help another person know that you can have peace and blessed assurance within by accepting Jesus as your personal Savior.